I have so much to be happy about. A wonderful husband-t0-be (the man of my dreams, actually) and a healthy and happy little munchkin that I am free to spend all day, every day reveling in. I even have the home I've been dreaming about for years now: I can look out of my window from my bed and see a cherry tree by day and the moon by night...wonder of wonders after three years in a basement apartment. Not to mention the back deck with a spectacular view of the Vancouver North Shore mountains. And a fantastic family. I could keep going on. So why, some days, am I nagged by a free-floating anxious feeling?

Yesterday, I racked my brain trying to find the source of my anxiety. No, it wasn't the fact that my wonderful husband-to-be wrecked our car the day before. No, it wasn't my bathroom that hadn't been cleaned in over a week and wasn't slated to be tackled any time soon. I don't even think it was the uncertainty of my family's future looming before me. If my anxiety was tethered to anything (and only by a hair's-breadth filament), it was perhaps that I was trying to feed Eoin solids before the six-month green light, and he wasn't devouring the rice cereal with the relish I'd like to see, so was I a bad mother force-feeding my baby? Basically, lighten up Erin!

I had an epiphany. (Don't get excited.) If I could only get rid of this anxiety (a peculiar mix of dread and guilt) and be happy, life would be so much nicer! (I told you not to get excited.)

Obviously, I knew this before. I think, pre-Eoin, I was willing to except a higher level of melodrama in my life. Now, I just want to be happy. Firstly, because I have so much to be happy about. Secondly, because I blame much of my nursing woe on my anxiety - let's face it - terror, so I know how destructive it can be. But thirdly, and chiefly, I want to be happy for Eoin. I want to instill in him a sense of fun and humour. I want him to feel secure in his position in, and trajectory through, the universe. If I teach him anything at all, I want to teach him to be (sincerely) CHEERFUL. Because why the hell not?